Teamwork is paramount when it comes to building a strong and lasting marriage. Believing your spouse is a teammate who will always “have your back” is vital even in the healthiest of marriages. Fortunately, Soldiers know a lot about teamwork. Many of the same principles Soldiers use to function effectively as a team within a military unit can be applied to build cohesion and understanding within a marriage.
With any successful team, the principles of communication and collaboration are key. An old adage reminds us, “A good marriage is like a team of horses. You can only move forward if you are pulling in the same direction.” This concept is never truer than in the context of an Army marriage, especially during times of separation due to deployment.
Here are a few tips on how couples can keep moving in the same direction while physically apart.
Talk openly with each other.
In the days and weeks before a deployment separation, one or both of you may feel some anxiety. Know that this is normal, and that it is not a sign of weakness or a problem in your relationship. Talk through concerns together and be open to your spouse by expressing emotions that you may not be experiencing. This will help you to feel more connected and in sync with each other’s feelings as your deployment approaches.
Prioritize your relationship.
Avoid allowing day-to-day family and household matters to dominate your interactions. Family concerns are important and must be handled. But more important than those things, is keeping the spark alive in your relationship. Remember to ask your spouse about how they are feeling, and talk about fun and interesting things that are happening with you personally.
Have a plan to stay connected.
Map out regular times to talk or video chat. If possible, talking or texting every day is best. If mission parameters do not allow for an everyday interaction with your spouse, make it a priority to connect as often as absolutely possible. Have a backup plan to stay connected, especially around special days like anniversaries, birthdays and holidays. If talking is not feasible, try sending a quick email and, while it might seem outdated, a handwritten letter will always warm the heart.
Have a plan to handle finances.
Whether physically together or apart, money is one of the most difficult topics for a couple to navigate. This makes it particularly important to have a detailed plan for how finances will be managed while separated. Be clear in your communication so that you remain aligned in your financial goals. Knowing how much money is available, agreeing on who will pay which bills when and having an overall respect for the budget will enhance your trust and harmony as a couple during the deployment.
Accept and embrace change.
Even with the best laid out plan, unexpected circumstances will inevitably occur and some things will not go as intended. Remain flexible and understanding in these instances. Remember that these things are most often outside the control of either spouse. Knowing that each spouse will be willing to rearrange plans, when a legitimate need arises, will help to keep your level of appreciation and emotional support for each other strong while you are apart.
A deployment is an opportunity to grow and deepen your relationship as you navigate the separation as a team. By intentionally communicating, planning, working together and making the most of the times available to connect, you and your spouse will keep your marriage strong before, during and after any deployment.
BY STAFF WRITER Chase Whitlock
